Being a new parent is interesting. On one hand, you’re so excited to snuggle and cuddle your new little baby. On the other hand, you’re sleep deprived and encountering new situations you never expected. Check out all of the unexpected things I started to say as a new parent.
Don’t forget to check out the comments at the end and let me know all of the weird things you started saying after you became a new mom/dad!
Unexpected Saying #1:
“I slept for 3 whole hours!”
Let me start by saying that I love to sleep. I routinely wake up in the morning planning when I can take a nap or go to bed for the day. To be honest, I think I would function best on 10-12 hours of sleep at night. And when I was pregnant, it seemed like I needed 20-22 (or more!) hours of sleep. In general, the more sleep I get, the happier I am.
That has definitely changed since Baby J came along.
If you didn’t know, newborns eat every 1 1/2 to 3 hours around the clock. They’re also not the best sleepers. You know the phrase, “sleep like a baby”? Yeah, I’m not sure who thought of that cruel joke…
During those first few weeks, it felt like Baby J would finally finish eating and fall asleep. Then I had roughly 38 minutes to power nap before he was ready to wake up and interrupt my beauty sleep (again!).
He’s lucky he’s so stinking cute because if I wasn’t utterly wrapped around his finger, I would have really been missing my old sleeping habits.
Once he finally started sleeping a little longer, I felt like Buddy the Elf. I proudly proclaimed, “I feel amazing! I slept for 3 whole hours!” That’s something I would have never said before becoming a parent. I instantly realized how much my life has changed since having a baby…
Unexpected Saying #2:
“It’s only spit.”
Before Baby J was born, I had heard that I’d have more laundry. But holy smokes! I have a lot more laundry. How can such a little person add so much laundry to our household?!
We went from doing 1-2 loads of laundry a week to a load of laundry every day!
In a single day, Baby J can wear pajamas, clothes, a new set of clothes (because he spit up all over), another new set of clothes (because he pooped), some more clothes (because he spit up again…), and new pajamas. He will also go through a few blankets, burp rags, and bibs on any given day.
This is just his laundry!
He also quickly discovered how fun it is to spit up all over mom… As soon as I get dressed in a new shirt, he will yack all over me (especially when we are in a hurry and headed out the door).
Pretty soon, I resigned to the fact that I’ll probably always smell like milk and stopped changing shirts unless I really need it. I have no desire to do more laundry than necessary and I’m staying home so surely no one really cares… Instead of changing shirts, I unexpectedly find myself saying, “Oh it doesn’t matter.
Unexpected Saying #3:
“Eh, I showered three days ago.”
The spit dilemma makes this new phrase even more unexpected. Before baby, I was always the kind of person that liked to shower every morning. It helps me to wake up and start feeling refreshed. I almost never missed a morning.
Not anymore. Showering has definitely been pushed to the back burner since Baby J got here.
First off, Baby J is a big fan of cuddles. Particularly during those first few months, every time we tried to put him down he would wake up. Every. Single. Time. Then he’d fuss and cry until we picked him up. I’d feel so guilty showering with him crying hysterically in the bassinet. Which meant that I skipped more showers than I care to admit.
Second, sleep has become much more important than showering. You can bet that if I have an extra 15 minutes, I’d much rather power nap than take a shower.
Instead of showering every morning, I quickly started to rationalize, “Eh, I don’t really need a shower today. I took one three days ago!” After all, visitors didn’t expect me to look too amazing after having a baby, right??
Unexpected Saying #4:
“Push! Just fart already!”
I’m not one that typically talks about flatulence much. As a matter of fact, my husband and I have been together for over 9 years and I still have never passed gas in front of him. Sure, I’ll chuckle at a good fart joke, but I generally try to be discreet.
My goodness, this changes once you have a baby! Today I find myself talking about flatulence much more frequently. Actually, Baby J. and I even sing about it every time that he takes a bath! *(For a good chuckle, check out this video. It will be the best 67 seconds of your day.)
Now if you don’t think it’s important to fart, you’ve never met a newborn. Because baby gas is intense! Their little digestive systems have never had to work before. Therefore, they build up so much gas in their little tummies.
I can’t count how many times Baby J would wake up from a peaceful sleep and start screeching in pain. Although it’s getting better, he still struggles. He will push and grunt and try everything to figure out how to get rid of this pesky gas. On the good days, he quickly grunts it out and then falls right back to sleep.
Other times, he needs a lot more help. We’ll wiggle his legs and give him gas drops. Then we’ll cheer, “Push! Just fart already!”
After lots of encouragement and plenty of grunting, he will finally release the most massive man fart you could imagine. After that, he will flash a huge smile (and now giggle along with Tyler and me).
One thing I can honestly say that I never expected that I would be so enthusiastic about someone passing gas!
Unexpected Saying #5:
“Come on and poop! I know you can do it!”
We’ve already established that newborns don’t have very good digestive systems.
Not only do they struggle to fart, but sometimes they also struggle to have bowel movements. This is great, right? Less baby poo means less dirty diapers to clean!
Wrong. So very wrong.
Certainly, it is very important to be able to go to the bathroom. And when things aren’t moving along, I can take one look at Baby J and see how much this hurts. On these days, he will cry and tense up his stomach. He will push and grunt and focus all of his attention on t
Every time Baby J gets clogged up, it breaks my heart. I often find myself saying, “Come on and poop! I know you can do it!”
Again, before becoming a new parent, this is something I never would have expected. I didn’t think I would desperately want my baby to poop. However, I now find myself begging for a bowel movement. I don’t even care if it means I have to clean up a huge blowout!
Unexpected Saying #6:
“He’s pooped [x] times today and his last dirty diaper was at…”
This might be the phrase that surprises me the most. Before baby, we never talked about bowel movements. My husband and I agree that there are some things that are just better left unknown and untalked about.
This quickly changed and as a new parent, it seems like my entire life started to revolve around dirty (and wet) diapers. Especially during those first few weeks.
I went from never talking about bathroom activities to having so many conversations about bowel movements. This is because during those early days it seems like everyone had tons of questions about his diapers.
“How many times has he urinated today? Has he pooped yet? How many times? What does it look like?
To my surprise, I’d happily find myself being sucked into the potty talk wormhole and quickly share a detailed response to each question.
Ask me what I had for breakfast and I’d be completely clueless
If heaven forbid he ever misses a bowel movement, these conversations amp up with a new level of intensity. “He normally poops every day, but he hasn’t pooped for exactly 31 hours and 19 minutes. Should I call the doctor??”
Unexpected Saying #7:
“Let me smell your butt quick.”
Sometimes I instantly know when Baby J has a dirty diaper. His face gets super red. He grunts and he pushes. Then I hear a giant, disgusting, wet fart. Yup, he’s gonna need a diaper change. Hopefully, before we have a blowout on our hands!
Other times, that sneaky little baby tries to slip one past me. I won’t hear a peep and he keeps playing without interruption. Suddenly a stinky smell wafts up to my nostrils and I start to wonder…
As my suspicions rise, I look at my sweet baby and exclaim, “Let me smell your butt quick!”
Again I never thought I would regularly smell another person’s bum. Yet, as a new parent, I unexpectedly find myself saying this on a daily basis.
Unexpected Saying #8:
“Did you just poop on me?”
At our house, we’ve embraced attachment parenting. So Baby J and I spend a lot of time cuddling. We read and talk. Then we play and sing. Because of this, he spends many hours snuggled on my lap.
Regularly during our cuddle time, he releases an enormous fart that instantly makes my heart skip a beat. I look at him with giant eyes and anxiously ask, “Did you just poop on me?” Again, I never expected to say this to someone, let alone frequently repeat this question every day.
Now hopefully I don’t jinx myself, but fortunately, we’ve been pretty lucky and all of the blowouts have stayed confined to the baby. But that doesn’t stop me from worrying!
Unexpected Saying #9:
“Woah, there are so many streams!”
I’ll be the first to admit that breastfeeding really isn’t as great as everyone says it is.
Sure, the “liquid gold” has ridiculous benefits for baby and is a heck of a lot less expensive than formula, but breastfeeding is hard and it’s a lot of work. And my baby is stubborn. Painfully stubborn.
I wish we had started breastfeeding more successfully, but we had a lot of challenges in the beginning. For months most of my breastfeeding/pumping sessions ended with a fair share of frustration mixed with a dash of disgust. But I kept pushing on to give my baby that precious liquid gold.
And now every once in a while, a little bit of that “breastfeeding magic” has started to shine through. First, we’ve finally had a few times that Baby J peacefully cooperates and breastfeeds like all of the other little angel babies I see.
And second, I’ll often be in the middle of a pumping session and look down to see three (or more!) massive milk streams squirting out like crazy. Every time it simultaneously amazes me, grosses me out a bit, and makes me laugh.
Seriously, did everyone else know that there would be multiple streams of milk or I am the only clueless momma?
For some reason, I get such a kick out of this and I often find myself exclaiming, “Woah! There are three streams!”
Unexpected Saying #10:
“I’m going to kiss you!”
Baby J gets a lot of kisses every day. I mean A LOT of kisses.
Every time he wakes up, he gets a handful of kisses. Before and after he eats, I’ve got to sneak in some more kisses. Almost every time we sing together, about half of the song becomes kisses.
I honestly think this baby gets a minimum of a thousand kisses a day. (I actually want to count one of these days because I’m really curious how many it actually is!)
Every time we’re playing together, I always find myself chiming, “I’m going to kiss you!” Then I sneak in a handful of kisses on Baby J’s precious forehead, cheeks, and tummy.
Now I’ve always known that I can’t resist kissing an adorable little baby. But before Baby J, I never would have guessed how many times I’d kiss one person on a daily basis.
He’s definitely a loved baby! Which of course, was expected all along!
And there you have it! All of the new unexpected phrases that I now find myself saying on a regular basis. The gross, the funny, and the adorable.
What new things did you start saying when you became a parent?
Please leave a comment! I’d love to learn about your goofy new sayings!